Am I Not Enough?

It’s always interesting to me when God asks questions.

I mean, what business does someone who has all the answers have asking questions? And what answer could any of us give that He would actually need?

If we were to think logically about this, I think it’s safe to assume that any question God poses to us would provide an answer for us to ponder over…not Him. No answer we could give Him would challenge His thinking in any way, nor would it add any benefit to Him as a whole.

I found myself wrestling with such a question this past week.

In our bible study small group, we had a very intriguing discussion about the biggest stain on King David’s life…his sexual misconduct towards Bathsheba, and the consequent murder of her husband (2 Samuel 11). It got us to talking really openly about our own various struggles, and how God is working in us and with us to help us overcome them.

And then we got to the next chapter, where God confronted David through Nathan the prophet. I’m not one to say that God ever gets in His feelings, but it seems like He did for a brief moment.

In a nutshell, God went down this laundry list of benefits He had laid in David’s lap…from promoting him to king, to getting him out of Saul’s crosshairs, to letting him have the wife (well, technically wives) he wanted. God then punctuates His soliloquy by telling David that if all that hadn’t been enough, He would have given Him more.

One of my “brothers” chimed in at this point and said that it seemed as if God was asking, “Am I not enough?“

Wow.

That question has haunted me all week. Of course, intellectually, the obvious answer to the question is ‘yes’…with an infinite number of exclamation points. But it’s occurred to me that the obvious ‘yes’ in my head is at odds with a blatant ‘no’ that plays itself out in my life more often than I would care to admit.

How many times have I passed up spending time with God for some other leisurely activity? How many times have I decided to selfishly pursue something that promised me instant gratification, but came at the expense of communing with Him in that moment? How often have my ambitions demonstrated a lack of contentment with what God has provided?

I could do this all day. But I’m learning more and more that beating myself up over my failures is worse than the failures themselves.

Besides, God knows that I can’t adequately answer that question even if I tried my hardest.

But I’m glad He’s patient enough to allow me to keep trying.